Vertica, You Suck

I apologize in advance, this is a Rant.

I hate my Landlord.. or Property Manager, whatever the hell it’s called. I know my Mother taught me never to say ‘hate’, because it’s too strong a word, but to instead use ‘dislike intensely.’ Unfortunately, Mom, hate is the only word that really describes my feelings towards Vertica Resident Services.

While I love my actual apartment, the building itself is deteriorating around us – yet is marketed as a luxury rental. HA! Luxury, my ass. With elevators broken down more often than not, frequent and unexplained water disruptions, complete lack of climate control, 5 second delays on the sliding doors and customer service that is almost legendary in it’s failures, I’m surprised they manage to keep tenants around at all. Even when they attempt to maintain some level of communication, they totally miss the mark:

“We would like to notify you that there may be a Water Disruption on Monday June 27^th, between the hours of 9am to 5pm, which may only affect either the Kitchen or Bathroom”

So let me get this straight, you are vaguely aware of a date that we may or may not have an issue with water? You’re also not sure if it is going to affect all building water, or maybe just in the Kitchen? Best part is that the water was off this morning in the entire apartment at 7am– which is Wednesday, not Monday.

The water thing doesn’t even scratch the surface of how poorly we’ve been treated by every single member of the office staff we have ever had the misfortune of dealing with (Lois, in particular, this rant is directed at you). Now that we are happily moving on to greener pastures, they have managed to find yet another way to royally piss me off – although this time, it’s within their legal rights. According to a Tenant’s rights, once you’ve given notice of termination of tenancy, your landlord has the right to show your premises without ANY warning or notice given. Fair play, I guess, since they never know when a perspective tenant will come to view an apartment. Not fair, however, is insisting on making these visits in the early morning hours on Saturdays. Is it necessary to ring the door bell four times in quick succession? Screw you Vertica.

In light of our leaving the facility in SEVENTEEN days, Tigger and I intend to put our best effort into showing Vertica the same courtesy they have shown us over the years:

Eff Off, Nasty Letter to Follow – We will continue to reply to all ‘Notification of Apartment Showing’s with thinly veiled hatred. Lois confirmed with me on the phone today that she had seen our recent ‘Nasty Letter’ that simply stated Tigger was working a late shift, and they were welcome to show the apartment, with the exception of one room – where he was sleeping. You think that’s Nasty? Ok Lois, we’ll actually aim for Nasty with the next reply.

Inappropriate Decorating – The Dildo/Butt Plug/Plastic Genitals/Whatever it is has been hanging out in the fridge for awhile, was on Eleanor’s door for a period of time, and now will be returned to a much more public area for viewing. Our ‘English Country Lads’ and ‘Treasure Chest’ books will be propped open on the coffee table. Tigger – where is that collection of old Porn VHS tapes you’ve been trying to get rid of?

Booby Trapping – What fun we could have with all of those empty boxes.

Garbage/Recycling – While we may be moving out in Seventeen days, Vertica was not willing to work with us on the date at all, so we are paying rent for the full month. Thankfully though, this means we have access to their garbage and recycling services during the very high debris period that follows a move. All of this, and any further refuse we can find, will be transferred back to Vertica for them to deal with.

Appointment Scheduling – As we are required to have a walk through of our apartment before they hand back our key deposit, I assume we can treat this appointment with the same reliability as all of our maintenance tasks have been handled over the years. I’ll just wait until they call after we don’t show up, and reschedule. I’m thinking three-four times should suffice.

All kidding aside, I’m truly just frustrated with the complete lack of respect with which Vertica employees treat their residents. 400 Walmer Road has a storied history in the city of Toronto, and was once an address to be proud of. Vertica Resident Services has trampled that reputation into the ground with the utter disdain and neglect evident in all their dealings. My Great Aunt Doll lived at 450 Walmer and had frequently voiced her desires to move south into the towers – I’m glad she didn’t have the opportunity, as it would have been a monumental let down.