Monthly Archives: August 2012

What was the Question?

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Does it even matter what the question was?

This is the front window of a little butcher/deli/purveyor of meat products near my house called Sausage Partners. Tigger and I were browsing there last fall and giggling about the “meat smell” in the store – the butcher looked up and point blank said “Did you two come to look at my meat?” Thankfully the stream of hysterical giggles seemed not only tolerated but appreciated.

I love my neighbourhood!!

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Filed under Funny Ha-Ha, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

The Benefits of Cheating

I’m generally a loyal customer when it comes to services. I’ve had the same chiropractor for three years, massage therapist for over seven, dentist my entire life and hairdresser for about fifteen years. Until today.

I’m seated at Flaunt Boutique in Leslieville, nervously awaiting my first appointment with a new stylist. While I feel horrible for cheating on Joseph, driving to Thornhill to get my hair done is ridiculous.

Thankfully, this place already seems to get me – since they offered me a complimentary glass of wine while I wait.

And it’s 10:15am

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We’re going to get along just fine.

Regardless of the salon, I will always end up looking like a woolly mammoth-medusa hybrid.

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Filed under Events in Review, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

Welcome Home

Who says dogs are the only pets that show you love and affection when you get home?  Ok, maybe Prince William’s love is a bit more desperate and demanding, but it still counts!

The Many faces of Prince William the Third:

Contemplation

When is Mom Getting Home?

Realization

You’re Home! Its about Damn Time

Vexation

Quit Taking Photos and Get in Here NOW!

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Filed under Events in Review, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

It’s All Fun And Games Until the RCMP Shows Up

I flew to Vancouver this weekend to celebrate my friend Toe Socks’s final party as a single gal. Well, actually she’s technically already married, this is wedding number two (to the same man)- but that’s a different story.

For the big event we had secured a penthouse suite at the River Rock Hotel & Casino (fitting, since Wedding #1 was in Vegas). A small number of us jetted off to the hotel early in the afternoon to set up – via prom reminiscent stretch Limo. Sounds fancy right? Well – I think it actually might have been the same limo from prom ie. absolutely nothing updated or modern. Extremely 90s. We still pretended to be riding in style – even when we discovered that the champagne glasses provided were seriously filthy (think: lipstick stains) and there was a half empty beer that didn’t belong to any of us. It’s ok, we had our Baby Duck bubbles out of plastic glasses. That’s how we roll.

Note – Several missing napkins, and many others looking askew

We arrived at the hotel and negotiated our way out of the limo while maintaining as much dignity as possible – I have a new found respect and understanding for less than graceful limo exits by celebrities. After checking in, we dropped the Bride-to-be off at the spa and headed up to set up the room.

The suite was gorgeous and had a magnificent view. By the time everyone started to arrive we had amazing snacks prepared, a poker table arranged in the middle of the room and a bathtub full of ice awaiting incoming beverages in need of cooling.

Elevator Lobby next to our Room

The party really started (for me at least) when the entertainment arrived – in the form of a shirtless poker dealer. I spent the rest of the evening trying to negotiate the addition of “pants less” to his repertoire – I was only semi successful.

Shirts are so Overrated

We mostly avoided tacky bachelorette party norms – there was no phallic decoration, we didn’t force the bride to wear a costume (though she did have a bride sash, and we all wore tiaras), and we didn’t play any games, except for poker. However, there was definitely some heavy drinking. Having the preference for mostly only beer myself, I was impressed at the effort that some women put into their cocktails: blenders, mashers and even some sorbet was involved.

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After winning many many poker hands and taking my reward in the form of tequila body shots off the aforementioned shirtless dealer (didn’t actually get his name – his cup said “Man Slave #1” and I only referred to him as “Meat”) – I was among the first to hit the hay. I didn’t Houdini, my usual late night M.O., the Bride actually tucked me in!

Cut to later in the evening when several girls were waking me up and telling me to pack up my stuff – I had to go. Confused, disoriented and sleepy, I didn’t pay much attention to the Police Officers at the door to our room. I followed Toe Sock’s directions and headed off with one other drowsy solider to our other room in the hotel and promptly returned to unconsciousness.

I haven’t quite figured out the details but apparently some of our group were allegedly being “belligerent and threatening” to the Casino staff and so the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police – for my non Canadian readers) were called in to escort us all out of the hotel – we were kicked out of our Penthouse!!

After an evening that ends like that, I was happy to be found in bed when trouble went down! Definitely not the first time I’ve missed late night altercations by sleeping through them!

Regardless of the hiccup, it was a fabulous weekend and I think we sent the Bride off to wedded bliss in appropriate fashion!

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Filed under Events in Review, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

Really?

I’m not even a week into my thirties and this happens:

I’m just warming up to this getting older thing – I’m totally not ready to have to select a new radio button! I might just lie for a bit…

Also, is it just me, or would 29 year olds sort of be in limbo in this list?

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Filed under Events in Review, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

It’s Alive!

I sprang out of bed this morning acutely aware that I had slept in. You know that feeling, you don’t even need to look at the clock, you just know. As I lunged towards the bathroom I spotted the clock, 7:10am – I normally get up at 6:30 and need to leave the house by 7:23. If I was going to make it to my session with The Sadist in time, this was going to be a serious rush.

I flew back into my room, took off my nightgown and tossed it on my bed then grabbed the gym clothes I had set out for myself (score!) and flung them on the bed as well. I went to grab for my clothes to start getting ready and the panic set in – the whole pile was moving!!!

Prince William.

Fear turns to laughter as I see his annoyed head poke out from under my sports bra.

I guess in my warp speed exit from slumber I managed not to wake him, or take notice of his presence at the foot of my bed. Next time I’m late I’ll be more careful not to disturb his peace.

Photo taken after I stopped laughing – he was originally curled up half under the orange flower to the right (likely the result of the duvet landing on him in my flurry as well) – irritated look clearly still in tact though:

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Update: on the bus at Broadview and it’s already 7:41 – this is going to be a close one!

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Filed under Fitness Follies, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

The Party is Over

Its official. I’m 30.

So far, so good though.  No new aches and pains (either than the consistent and expected pain that Sadist inflicts on me), and I haven’t spotted any wrinkles or sprouts of grey – whew.

I spent the weekend celebrating with Family and Friends in Small Town, Ontario and had an absolute blast.  We had a big party on Saturday night and had my favourite dishes from a local BBQ joint catered.  Unfortunately, it was hotter than hades and more humid than a hot yoga class, so everyone was busy trying to cool off and not look as sweaty as they actually were – easier said than done.

I was utterly spoiled the entire weekend – and loved every second of it!  Some highlights:

Pick a Plot – You are a Cat

Remember those Choose your own adventure books? Well Jillian got me one for my birthday, but its from the viewpoint of a cat.  We decided to start reading it outloud while we were stuck in traffic on our way out of the city.  I was shocked at how non ‘G’ rate the book was! Some notable sections of the plot:

  • Our name was Holden Catfield.  Awesome
  • Holden has a girlfriend, apparently she smells really good
  • Holden also has a thing for  tabby cats – cue: rather descriptive amorous scene between Holden and Stray Tabby (Umm.. kitty porn?)
  • The cat’s family includes an Alcoholic Father and an Adulteress Mother
  • Oh, and a Suicidal Teenage girl – who hangs herself (its ok, we saved her!)

I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

Gag Gift #1

Three of my old friends joined me on the Friday evening and had stated in advance that I would have to open my gift as soon as they arrived.  The gift appeared to be a bag full of several small packages, the first of which was wet.
Thankfully, the wet packaging was just some condensation that had formed when the parcel was removed from a cooler in the backseat at the end of their drive – Cheese Curds! Hooray.  Other items I opened, in order:

  • A Picture Frame – Appeared to be identical to one I already have, and contained a fuzzy picture of what I thought was myself and my friend.  I noticed what appeared to be a double string of pearls on *my* neck and started questioning where the photo was taken.
  • Pearls – More specifically, my pearls.  Apparently the frame and necklace were borrowed from my room during a trip to find inspiration for my actual gift.
  • Dhoop Sticks – for a fragrance that lingers on and on… These appear to be mini incense sticks that my friends had taken off the hands of a mechanic when he was working on their car.
  • A Ring – The actual gift! (Ok, and the cheese curds) A beautiful silver oversized ring that screams ‘Look at my pretty nails!’ while I am incessantly waving them around while I talk.

Gag Gift #2

All three roommates (Tigger, Korean and Eleanor) were able to join me for the weekend – which was awesome.  On Saturday afternoon they presented me with a box which contained several items, including:

  • Wendy’s Chilli Packets – They must have been hoarding these for awhile.  I was thrilled, that stuff is like a drug for me
  • Swiss Chalet Sauce Packets – Probably good for my thighs AND my bank account.  Why order and pay for a quarter chicken meal from the Dirty Bird when I can just whip up a saucer of the good stuff and get right to the point.
  • A Decorative Box – Really had to work on my ‘look like you love it’ face with this one, especially when I found that it contained knee pads and mouth wash.

I was quite happy with my haul of assorted sauces, thanked them all and carried on with whatever I was doing.  A few minutes later, while I was sitting on the porch, they presented me with the damn Decorative Box again.  This time, however, it had a magical light blue bag inside it that can only mean one thing: TIFFANY JEWELLERY!!

My roommates rule.

Birthday Bling! and a new Party Dress 🙂

Meats

Must give another shout out to the stars of the show on Saturday night: Pulled Pork and Brisket.

Princess Treatment

Not only did my sister Sandy me gift me with an insane Spa Package, but she also brought a bottle of Pink Veuve!  Nothing like bubbles to ring in a new personal decade! I also spent most of Sunday Champagne glass in hand, consuming copious amounts of Cupcake Vineyards Prosecco that my Mother had sourced for the weekend.

Nothing says Princess quite like Pink Champagne!

The final surprise of the night was a framed picture of myself (Ok, I think it might be my sister, but I’ll admit that I’m probably wrong) fast asleep and sucking my thumb while on my first houseboat trip through the Thousand Islands when I was a little girl – everyone at the party had signed around the photo.  Of course, the frame included a large Princess embellishment, how fitting.

Amazing Gift.
And yes, that is a mustache in the corner.

Mama Bear, you throw one hell of a party.

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Filed under Events in Review, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words, Story Time