Monthly Archives: October 2011

The Naughty Room

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While innocently trying to navigate my way through Pearson airport this morning, my efforts to glide through customs with the aid of my Nexus card were thwarted. I managed to skip by the crazy long lineup, successfully pass the Iris scan (with only two attempts) and head to the last check point in less than five minutes – but the Pearson guards had another idea. When I tried to hand in my receipt from the Nexus kiosk, the guard pointed at a door to the left, handed me my stuff back and sent poor little me off to the Naughty Room (otherwise known as Secondary Screening) all by myself.

Thankfully, the guard in the Naughty Room didn’t seem overly suspicious about me, asked very few questions and only briefly fondled the private things in my carry on – and I was on my way!

This reminded me of a trip a few years ago when Tigger and I were returning from a Cruise. We filled in the customs card stating that I was bringing back zero dollars in merchandise and that Tigger had approximately 20 bucks worth of stuff and a Mickey of CC with him. In hindsight, we should have just said we both had 100 bucks or so on us (even though we didn’t) since the Customs agent clearly didn’t believe we would come home practically empty handed.

Needless to say, off we went to the Naughty Room. As we were both exhausted after a long trip and an extra three hours sitting in the aircraft while they fixed a crackling speaker (really?!), we were in deliriously silly moods. Thankfully we managed to end up with the one airport employee in the universe with a sense of humor – and THANK GOD for that, because shortly after we were greeted by the guard Tigger sputtered out this little gem:

Be careful opening that bag, it might explode.

That’s right. Tigger said ‘explode’, at an airport, in front of a customs agent, in the naughty room.

Thankfully, the agent laughed it off but warned Tigger to be more careful with his language in the future.

In related news, I’ve also never had a cavity search – and minimizing my traveling with Tigger can only help keep that particular Naughty Room
Adventure at bay.

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Filed under Events in Review, Funny Ha-Ha

The Opposite of Cutting Back

This past weekend I travelled to Upstate New York with my Mother and three other ladies for our annual Outlet Mall shopping trip.  Regardless of my insanely large wardrobe, shoe collection and assortment of accessories – I never have trouble making good use out of an Outlet Mall.  However, with my newly minted Mortgage, brand new Macbook Air and a pricey trip to Vegas sitting on my Credit, one would I assume I might have held back a bit this time around.  Well, that is definitely not what happened.

Peggy and I took to the day with the tact of well seasoned pros:

  • We had our route planned in advance – this year we even decided to make an adjustment to our usual foot path and tried it in reverse with much success
  • Both of us donned outfits that were easy to change in and out of, making our frequent trips to the Change rooms more efficient
  • Peggy sported some sensible footwear, while I opted for the more risky move of wearing heels that desperately needed to be tossed hoping to dodge some taxes wearing a new pair home
  • Food, Beverage and Washroom stops would only occur when in the vicinity of such facilities

We charged into Banana Republic, the first order of business, and got right to work.  Generally, BR takes the majority of my ‘budget’ for the day as well as the largest proportion of time – I’m certain I was in the change room for the better part of an hour.  After making some hard decisions (ie. Not putting anything down) we trucked off to the Cashier to make our purchases.  This would be the point in the day when I searched earnestly through my handbag for my wallet, only to realize I’d left it at home.  FAIL.  Peggy, and her trusty credit card, came to the rescue and financed my shopping spree for the rest of the day!

During a quick rest on a bench towards the end of the day, I mentioned that we only had two more stores to hit (trying to help find our last wind!) and a passerby, noting the plethora of shopping bags around our feet, stated ‘I think you’ve already been to more than two stores!’  Who asked you anyway!?!  Point taken, though.

After approximately six solid hours of shopping, all five of us were exhausted – both physically and financially.  We met back at the car, crammed the trunk full of our beloved new possessions, and started our journey back towards the border.  Funnily enough, I didn’t end up buying any shoes so I sported Peggy’s new shiny loafers over the border – I particularly enjoyed shuffling through the Target parking lot trying to scuff up the soles!

After my spree, I am the proud owner of an additional 8 dresses, 4 tops, 3 cardigans, 2 camis, 1 bra and a smattering of supplies from Target and Wally Mart 🙂 Now, lets see what happens this weekend in Vegas with my uncomfortable proximity to MORE outlet malls!!

Need never came into it, right Mom?

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Blushing Bridesmaid

Despite being the perpetually single girl that I am – I LOVE weddings.  Probably my enjoyment of these events involves the combination of getting dressed up and then partying with superfluous amounts of beverages, two of my favourite things 🙂  Lucky for me, my ‘late twenties’ have involved many a friend getting married and getting to celebrate with them.  Although, I’ve never uttered the words ‘Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride’ because that would be false – a more accurate statement would be ‘Always a Wedding Guest, Never a Bridesmaid’.  Finally, however, Nancy is going to have her chance to stand with a close friend and be part of the wedding party shenanigans – well actually, I’m going to have three chances in the next year alone!

First up to bat is Toesocks, who is marrying her Yankee Lover and fleeing the Great White North for the slightly soggier and grey North of Seattle.  Toesocks is a friend from back in my Uni days (Jillian just said ‘1’ in her head) – we quickly bonded over love of all things fun including late night Poutine (yes I finished eating it when I woke up), Mystery bus tours (Clap Clap Clap) and general Tomfoolery.  She has delighted me with my very first opportunity to be a bridesmaid – and the best part is, we’re doing it twice!

Seeing as though she is hellbent on moving South of the Border (I think she’s a closet Republican) and needs some paperwork, Toesocks and Yankee Lover are going to elope next weekend in Vegas and then do the whole big fancy wedding thing next Fall.  Not only is the idea of a wedding in Vegas super friggen awesome to begin with – but since its Halloween weekend, its going to be a COSTUME WEDDING!  Hell yes.

I believe the details of the Wedding Party’s theme is under wraps – but I can give you a hint at what we’re going with in this photo – my first shot at pulling off the specifically desired look:

This is a Classy affair, Y'all

I’m sure wedding number two for this couple will be a more dignified affair, but the real fun will definitely go down in Vegas.  Happy to note that my first experience as a Bridesmaid will be anything but ordinary 🙂

The second lucky lady is my friend from when I was ‘thisbig’ (however tall you are when you’re 14, that is) Cherie – who was actually the first to officially ask me to take the position.  I was extremely excited when she asked, but apparently this had already been decided at a mutual friends wedding the year prior (see: dressing up & excess liquor).

Cherie and her mate Silver Fox are getting hitched in the spring, just outside Toronto, and I’m certain it will be a hell of a party.  And yes, I’m allowed to call it a party – I checked.  While I doubt this wedding would be accurately labelled as ‘traditional’ (since the couple is anything but), so far the bridesmaid’s duties and dresses seem to be of that realm.

This past weekend, Cherie, one of her other Bridesmaids and myself embarked on the task of finding our dresses.  Thankfully, Cherie has mercifully picked a beautiful colour for us – Moss Green – and besides picking a brand, has given us complete freedom to choose the dress length, style and fabric.  I was shocked at how much fun we had trying on a bunch of oddly coloured dresses – I really thought it was going to be more stressful, which makes absolutely no sense since I love shopping.  I think I was worried all the sample dresses would be a size Zero (also, nonsensical) and I would deem myself unfit for the occasion.

Cherie was extremely organized for the fitting, brining her notebook and camera in tote.  As we tried on each dress she noted the style number, price, as well as our opinions.  She also took photos.  Typically, Nancy was in a silly mood and was not considering the camera all that much – which was highlighted in an email to the Wedding Party from the Bride that stated:

Thanks again for spending Saturday morning trying on dresses, ladies – you look great! Except the photos where Nancy looks retarded ;)”

I wonder if either Bride considered my penchant for stupid faces and awkward smiles when making the decision to cast me in the most important photos of their lives.

*evil laughter*

We topped off the morning with a fabulous brunch that included gigantic Mimosas.  This is going to be a fun year 🙂

Breakfast of Champions

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Filed under Events in Review, Funny Ha-Ha, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

Setting The Stage

After 5 weeks of concentrated effort, our favourite little Brit Eleanor is producing her very first play – Deathtrap! A Thriller in Two Acts.

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I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats.

Clearly, Theatre Critic is not in my career plan.

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Filed under Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

Standby

Nancy has had a busy week.

Due to the absence of time in which to make a proper post – I will share with you a nugget of information that I found particularly interesting in my current read, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell.

“We have, as human beings, a storytelling problem.  We’re a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we don’t really have an explanation for.”

Pretty much this entire blog is me trying to bring sense or reason to my little existence – with completely random explanations.  Case in point – Tea Makes me Angry.

Yup, I took a picture of my Kobo screen. I'm THAT tech savvy.

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Lights Out

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Thanks to an all evening power outage at the homestead, I spent my few leisure hours this evening at Murphey’s Law having dinner and beer (by the Litre, again) with Peggy and Tigger. Although, I should have been prepping for my dinner party tomorrow night – this was a welcome rest from some recent stress at work.

Also, candlelight is beautiful – even Prince William seems to be enjoying the power failure. Probably not the Beck taxi that just crashed into our neighbors porch and then drove off though – probably not him.

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My Private Chariot

Much to my delight this morning, on my dark unusually early AM ride into the city, I was greeted with a Private vehicle. Well, at least it WAS private from Greenwood to Alton (one stop).

Limos are totally overrated.

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