Category Archives: How Embarrassing

SisterFest: Almost Birthday Fail

Best laid plans, or not so much …

As my Sister’s 35th birthday was landing on Thanksgiving weekend, I planned well in advance for the two of us to have a night on the town together a la Cirque du Soleil! I actually ordered the tickets in July using Aeroplan points and arranged fancy pants VIP treatment. Needless to say we were both pretty excited.

Being that I’m an exceptional planner, it was not exactly expected when as we attempted to enter the Grand Chapiteau we were informed that our tickets weren’t for that evening – they were for the prior Friday. Fail! My jaw hit the floor and we shuffled over to the box office to see what, if anything, could be done.

Box office is maybe a generous term, considering that Cirque is a traveling show and all facilities are mobile. Thusly, we stood in front of a mobile ticket booth as I told my sob story. Thankfully the Customer service woman was helpful and determined that not only were my tickets not for the day I had purchased but they weren’t even in my name. Thanks Aeroplan, so glad I paid that extra fee so you would make my reservation for me. Bunch of jerks.

In the end Cirque issued us re-invitation tickets for another night, including the VIP addition! Extremely pleased with how helpful they were, minus a couple of points for it taking an entire hour and us standing outside in the rain during the process.

Thankfully Sister was manning the phone during this time and got us a reservation nearby at Gilead Wine bar, so libations and sustenance were not far off. Dinner was wonderful and we were able to salvage an otherwise awkwardly cancelled evening.

Entertainingly, our dinner was at a restaurant that sat directly across from some modern town homes that had giant glass windowed kitchens. Throughout dinner we were able to semi-creepily be amused by the goings-on in the various kitchens.

The most interesting events occurred in one particular unit where a handsome (from a distance, at least) man carefully made what I could only imagine to be the most delicious popcorn. He had one of those fancy popcorn makers with the red bottom and large glass top, which he placed in front of a large white bowl. Once the popcorn was popped, he slowly poured butter over the bowl and then added THREE further toppings – two shaken, one more poured. He then carefully tossed the ingredients in the bowl with two wooden spoons!

I was far too intrigued by the whole process, but the waiter stopped by and admitted that we weren’t the first guests to be mesmerized by the popcorn routine!

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Despite the giant clusterfuck that our evening began as, we managed to have a great night out and had even more birthday goodness in the weekend – which is another story.

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Filed under Events in Review, How Embarrassing, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

The Cost Of Bravery

Thanks to a cleanse I’m currently wrapping up I’ve been riddled with extra time and energy. Not to say that I normally sloth about (Au contraire, I’m usually a hub of activity), but I tend to zone out on week nights if I actually find myself at home.

Normally when I get home after work (if I go home and not out somewhere, that is) I spend my evening eating, relaxing and preparing for the next days activities. Last night, however, I had ants in my pants so I figured I’d put my energy to good use and clean our two common bathrooms. As they say, Idle hands are the devils playground.

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I set about cleaning with my Perfect Housewife gloves on and my trusty cleaning products at the ready. All went without incident on the main floor so I made my way to the basement to finish up.

While reaching for the toilet brush, I noticed a bit of a spiders web and a few minutes later saw the tenant crawling up the wall. Armed with a protective glove, I thought I’d man up and handle the situation myself – instead of just repeatedly bugging one of my roommates to kill it for me.

Glove on. Kleenex balled up. I am ready.

I squash the intruder and quickly go to drop the Kleenex in thee toilet but Sacrebleu! the glove was wet and the Kleenex was stuck to it! Sheer panic ran through my body as I frantically tried to separate the hopefully dead spider from my gloved hand.

I finally free myself from my (dead) tormentor and take a moment to catch my breath.

Bravery is exhausting.

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Days Since I Last Fell on my Butt: Zero

Well that was a good run. My historically complicated relationship with gravity has returned, literally with a bang.

After an evening out with friends in Montreal I was scurrying down the stairs of the bar to leave and completely wiped out – my friends actually heard me fall from outside. Ouch.

Thankfully I appear more bruised than broken!

Apparently I then decided to apply extreme caution on our snowy walk back to the hotel by walking at an absolute snails pace. My friend Andre kindly offered to give me a piggy back ride (though not as selfless as it sounds, I was a barrier to poutine consumption), which is something I seem to have forgotten from childhood. I completely failed on my end of the piggy – I apparently just hugged his back thinking that was sufficient and when my friends tried to encourage me to jump up to the proper carrying position my tiny hops were hilariously inefficient.

So they resorted to pushing me along while I disapprovingly muttered “Too fast, too fast, too fast.” I’m such a treat when I’m over served.

In other news, I think this really is the height of fashion.

20131222-155013.jpg I love the balls the on the forehead look – those Montrealers know style.

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Filed under Events in Review, How Embarrassing, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words, Uncategorized

Shit My Dad Sends

Toronto is a big city right? right? Then why does it feel so small sometimes!?

So I went on a date last night with someone I met online (gasp, I know), I’ll call him the Italian. So creative.

Pretty early on in the evening we discovered that we have some mutual friends – well friends to him, family to me.  He used to work with two of my cousins and seems to know them fairly well.  Definitely not that surprising, and the connection was easily established as I sport my Cousin’s company logo on my cell phone.

We chatted a bunch about my cousins – who are awesome, so we had tons of funny stories to discuss – and moved on to other topics.  Turns out that we have a lot in common as we have likely been a at least a dozen of the same parties, worked in the same building for a few years, were probably at some of the same concerts back in our punk days (wow, I’m old – back in the day totally applies here), and even grew up in similar suburbs.

After a few pints we headed to a different bar and during our first pint there he raised his eyebrow and said “So what do you know about Uncle Bill?”

Pause.

“You mean my Dad?!”

Hysterical laughter.

Backstory: My Father is a bit of an email junky.  He loves to forward absolutely everything that he ever sees on the internet on to different groups of people.  I mostly get emails about Cats.  He has another group, however, that get the more risqué deliveries.  And by risqué, I most definitely mean Porn.

So I guess my Cousin has on occasion flipped an email to the Italian and indicated the source as ‘Uncle Bill’.

So my Dad has sent porn to a guy I just started dating.  Awesome.

Inappropriate

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Filed under Awk-ward, Events in Review, Funny Ha-Ha, How Embarrassing, Story Time

Sausage!

That Moment: When you grab your coffee and breakfast sandwich off the counter at Starbucks – and a random hot guy points at you and says “Sausage?!”

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So clearly I went on the (thankfully internal) offensive assuming he was calling me fat. I mumble nasty thoughts mixed with general embarrassment under my breath and my cheeks swell to a lovely crimson shade.

Then I have a realization.

Rrriiiiggghhhhhtttt. The sandwich. He wanted to verify which one I took – Check. And I ran off like a weirdo.

Jumping to conclusions should be an Olympic sport.

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Ass-upuncture

Editor’s Note: I originally titled this ‘Butt-upuncture’, clearly my brain goes to polite before humour.  Who knew?

Sooo this is how I’m spending my lunch on this lovely Tuesday:

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Yup, that’s my bum. On the Internet.

Thanks to my Lazy Ass (or “Passive Ass” as my physio calls it) I’m currently receiving acupuncture on my butt (Ok fine, my Gleutes) twice a week. The needles are surprisingly pain free and the little shocks that make my muscles flex really just feel funny and make me giggle.

The things we do for Running.

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Filed under Fitness Follies, How Embarrassing, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

Crash Landing

Here I sit on the couch, catching up on some trash TV (the Bachelor double episode week – Drama, Drama Drama! oh and lots of mascara tears) and icing both of my knees.

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Knee injury jokes aside, this sucks.

I managed to crash down during a run around Toronto this evening. I had just hit that sweet spot where you remember that you actually like running: My lungs had adjusted to the frosty air and my breathing was under control, I felt strong, my legs were happy in their strides, and it was still light out at six o’clock!!! I was cruising up Jarvis almost at Front st and BAM. Down for the count.

No surprises here really – my relationship with gravity is shaky at best. Plus, you know – I’m only starting to train for a half marathon on Monday, no big deal.

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I think the right knee is going to be particularly fetching.

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Filed under Events in Review, Fitness Follies, How Embarrassing, Negative Nancy, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words