Category Archives: Funny Ha-Ha

Happy Birthday Mr. Stallan 

Stuff like this makes me miss blogging, real bad.

Important notes: My birthday was two months ago, and – despite the resonant quality of my voice – I am not a Mr. 

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The Art of Compromise

After an extremely long week at work I hopped on a late commuter train to spend a blissful weekend with my parents and our spoiled (but worth it) Pups.

Not surprisingly I was eagerly anticipating a frosty beer. Ok fine, on the train its luke cold at best. Regardless, beer was the reward at the end of a particularly dark tunnel.

As the Train Attendant (ummm… I’m not sure if that’s a thing) wheeled the cart towards me I prepared both my crispy ten dollar bill and my appetite to be whetted.

Turns out I was in for some disappointing news. Beer, as was requested, was sold out in all varieties. Let’s face it, if they had Coors Light left I’d still consider it sold out.

I sat and pouted for a bit but the lady eagerly offered me other options, to which I continued my pouting, until she landed on the magic backup option – brown liquor.

So here I sit, enjoying my Friday Compromise – a Scotch and Soda.

Happy Friday Everyone 🙂 and a belated Thanksgiving to my American friends.

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The Cost Of Bravery

Thanks to a cleanse I’m currently wrapping up I’ve been riddled with extra time and energy. Not to say that I normally sloth about (Au contraire, I’m usually a hub of activity), but I tend to zone out on week nights if I actually find myself at home.

Normally when I get home after work (if I go home and not out somewhere, that is) I spend my evening eating, relaxing and preparing for the next days activities. Last night, however, I had ants in my pants so I figured I’d put my energy to good use and clean our two common bathrooms. As they say, Idle hands are the devils playground.

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I set about cleaning with my Perfect Housewife gloves on and my trusty cleaning products at the ready. All went without incident on the main floor so I made my way to the basement to finish up.

While reaching for the toilet brush, I noticed a bit of a spiders web and a few minutes later saw the tenant crawling up the wall. Armed with a protective glove, I thought I’d man up and handle the situation myself – instead of just repeatedly bugging one of my roommates to kill it for me.

Glove on. Kleenex balled up. I am ready.

I squash the intruder and quickly go to drop the Kleenex in thee toilet but Sacrebleu! the glove was wet and the Kleenex was stuck to it! Sheer panic ran through my body as I frantically tried to separate the hopefully dead spider from my gloved hand.

I finally free myself from my (dead) tormentor and take a moment to catch my breath.

Bravery is exhausting.

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Goodbye Old Friend

You’ve been a loyal travel companion and trusty safekeeper of all of my important things – and now you’re not so ceremoniously strapped up and full of Clamato, on likely your last voyage.

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No not Mikey, my neon pink Lululemon bowler! I’ve had this bag for about seven years and it has literally been all over the globe with me. It has also sheltered my belongings on countless trips to the gym, and even more weekend voyages. I have traveled more with this bag than with any other person or belonging – fact.

Sadly though the handles started to fray and shed all over me while I carried it, and generally appeared to be on it’s last legs. So when we needed a last minute bag to bring 5 jugs of Clamato to our Cesar weary friend in Amsterdam – I volunteered my bag for the trip of a lifetime.

So long, old friend, it’s been an epic ride

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Ransom

I ran into a family friend while at Toronto’s Festival of Beer this past weekend and caught up quickly. He then took a quick photo of me and sent the snap to my dad:

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This whole interaction amuses me: the note to begin with, my Fathers response and, most importantly, the fact that this guy has my dad’s number stored as Papa Bear – he is not related. I guess he got contact information from my sister or I and just didn’t bother to update the contact name 🙂

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Light Sharing Be Damned!

I really am a huge fan of our new office.  Firstly, everything is shiny and new – who wouldn’t like that? The whole place was designed to be bright and open and thankfully not beige like our old office.  The crisp, clean and modern interior really does just feel nice to spend your days in. 

Due to the mantra of bringing more natural light into our space, HR sent out a memo regarding ‘Light Sharing’.  Essentially this is fictitious corporate jargon that means that they’ve planned the office in such a manner that allows for maximum natural light – accomplished mostly by putting offices and meeting rooms on the interior or short sides of the building.  Brilliant, and it works.  The aforementioned memo simply stated that due to the ‘light sharing’ concept, those lucky enough to be seated at a window were not to put down the blinds. Do not block that natural light that we paid some designer a pretty penny to let into our spaces, right?

One tiny flaw here though.  Those lucky ones (myself included, huzzah!) that are seated along a window happen to be forced to have their monitors actually backing onto the window – that’s where the dual monitor brackets are permanently attached to the desks. So I stare out a window, all day.  Most of this is lovely as I can actually see straight down King street and periodically gaze off at the Earl’s patio I can just see and dream of patio beer.  The downside, however, is that I’m staring due west – which is directly at the sun in the late afternoon.

Apparently those on the opposite side of the office have it much worse as they get full on morning sun, while currently I’m only dealing with about an hour a day. We will see how the seasons change this balance.

In the meantime, as soon as the sun hits my eyes I’m lowering the damn blinds. My retinas have enough issues as it stands. I also refuse to wear a visor at my desk to help me cope, which is a tactic my more rule abiding peers have apparently taken on.

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Filed under Funny Ha-Ha, Office Antics, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

That Would Buy a LOT of Popcorn

After a busy weekend of racing around the woods at Warrior Dash, D and I decided to cap off our weekend by seeing a movie at the new Cineplex VIP theater at Yonge and Dundas. The tickets are more expensive but they gain access to a smaller theater with large arm chair style seating and, most importantly, in-seat Food and Beverage service.  Beer, in the theater, brought directly to my seat? YES PLEASE.

So we avoided cottage traffic and toured down Airport Road lazily back towards the city eventually arriving at the theater with just enough time to find out seats and place our food and beverage orders with the waiter.  He was very friendly and carefully repeated our order before tallying everything up.  He handed me the credit machine and I went through the familiar sequence of button pressing.  When he asked if I wanted my copy I said absolutely not, those things always end up bunched up at the bottom of my purse!

Our beverages arrived shortly and the movie was about to begin.  All snuggled into my favourite sweater, in a big comfy chair, bird-sipping a beer (apparently that’s what my Mom says I do) and about to watch a comedy – what a great Sunday evening after an adventurous weekend.  This arrangement is very similar to the Gold Class theater experience I enjoyed in Australia, but not quite as awesome – the seats in Gold Class were unreal.

Our waiter suddenly reappears and hands me a copy of the receipt.  He then explains that he went ahead and voided the transaction as he assumed my almost FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR TIP was likely accidental.  Holy hell, accidental for sure! I like to think that I’m generous, but a 992% tip is a bit unnecessary – it was only two drinks and entrees!

The curious bit though is how that happened, neither the dollar amount nor the percentage of the tip bear any resemblance to my pin number or to what I would normally tip in this situation.  Thanks random Cineplex dude, while I’m confident I could dispute the charges had this actually gone through, I’m happy that he had the mindset to correct my fault right away.  Hopefully my 20% tip wasn’t a bummer.

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