I’m a fast talker at the best of time. I also mumble – which is a terrible combination. In my defence, I understand myself just fine, why can’t anyone else? Actually, Tigger understands me perfectly, but I think that’s because we’ve developed our own language that relies heavily on body language and facial expression – not so much words. Needless to say, if I’m nervous or uncomfortable, my rate of speech skyrockets and the sheer amount of content I can cover is dumbfounding.
I was at an event the other night and spied a tall, dark and handsome type chatting with a friend of mine, so I slowly sidled up and joined in on the conversation. Problem is, since I thought he was cute, and appeared to be shy, it wasn’t really a conversation anymore as it was me continuously talking at him. I only allow for a few seconds of silence before barrelling into a new topic, arms flailing while trying to keep up with the appropriate gestures. Tigger would have been beside himself, as I had to stop about 20 times to catch my breath – an act that he thinks I carry out to emphasize a point, when really I’ve just talked myself breathless.
In a fifteen minute ‘conversation’ I managed to cover the following topics:
- My entire Career, including my time spent in India and being trapped in England last year during the Icelandic Volcano episode
- My complete history with the United Way, with a long segue into my feelings about a particular event
- My upcoming move, including how much I hate Vertica Resident Services
- My complete friendship history with the one person we have in common
- Bank Holidays
Now, I should mention there were two other people in this conversation that both know me, so they were helping to carry forward the discussion topics. I wasn’t purposely steering the conversation, but I was the largest common denominator and clearly the biggest mouth in the group.
Mr. Handsome did manage to get a few words in, and I definitely confirmed he is either the Strong, silent type or just a wee bit shy. So pretty much, we’re polar opposites. I always wonder how that type of person processes someone like me. Do I appear to be having some sort of seizure? Maybe I come across as incredibly confident and just have a lot to say) unlikely! I probably just appear to be a bit of a spaz and a Chatterbox, guess that’s not so bad. He actually appeared to be genuinely interested in chatting (er.. listening) but I was preoccupied with filling the airwaves with my baritone chitchat.
A similar situation happened last night when I was talking on the phone with Tigger. While standing outside of a restaurant, an extremely good looking man walked by with quite possibly the cutest puppy I’ve ever seen. I’m sure I said something along the lines of ‘OMGTHATSTHECUTESTPUPPYIVEEVERSEEN’ and then hung up the phone. I asked if could say hello to his dog, and then barrelled forward into many statements about the cuteness of this puppy, what I know about the breed, friends that have a similar dog, and finally asking him how he manages to get anywhere with people like me stopping him all the time? I managed to accidentally answer a call from Korean during this time, and hang up on him as well!
It was only after I’d said goodbye and hustled back into the restaurant that I processed the fact that they very cute Dog Owner was actually being very friendly, and didn’t seem thrown at all by my spazzy approach to him and his pup. I didn’t even introduce myself or ask his name, but I did get the pups name, age & breed. Jesus.