False Advertising

Have you noticed the frequency with which things are described as “renaissance”, “vintage” or “antique” when they are really just worn out and old?

For example, I am currently riding the Canadian Rails to Ottawa on board a Via “Renaissance” train:


Lovely modern seat right? I’m also fairly certain I’ve contracted some sort of Black Lung from the mildew on the accordion blinds. Not pictured: arm rests so worn out you can see inside the chair.

I guess I can see the charm in calling something Renaissance, instead of the “old model” though.

HOWEVER, what I completely don’t understand is using these terms in the wrong setting – say a lingerie store.

I was out purchasing some undies at lunch (not because I need them, but because I forgot to pack them) and I saw an ad in the store for “Neon Vintage Lace” bras. I’m sorry, what??

I’m pretty sure there is a limit on the amount of truly Vintage items available in neon. Also, what do they mean by “vintage lace”? Is it old lace? Would I want that on my bra? Or does it just look old? Who would want that either.

Clearly, I’m over analyzing – but it bugs me when people use a thesaurus just to avoid using accurate terms:

Renaissance Train = Shitty Old and Likely Pulled Back From Retirement

Neon Vintage Lace = Cheap Cotton in Various Shades of Pink

Premature Curmudgeon = Nancy Francis



Filed under Funny Ha-Ha, Negative Nancy, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

2 responses to “False Advertising

  1. Hmmm.. I’m in the market for a renaissance period iPod circa 17C. If you could help me out, that’d be great.

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