In Search of Relief

Tuesday Morning Cocktail

FYI, this post is going to be TMI.

I’m one of those unlucky few who really feels the pain of being a woman.  I am practically crippled two days  a month, groaning, clutching my stomach and cursing my ovaries.  I’ve pretty much tried everything and have generally relied on a combination pain killers and rage to get me through.  Actually, lying on the floor with my legs straight up resting on the wall really helps, but its not super appropriate at the office – or while wearing a dress.  Similarly, yoga can ease my suffering, but I find it hilarious when the instructor tells you not do to inversions if you are menstruating – because I really want everyone in the room to know my cycle, right?

Thanks to Eleanor, I have been introduced to yet another ovary-pain reducing technique – Tiger Balm.  This horrible smelling, and potentially tear jerking (seriously – wash your hands really really well!), ointment when applied to areas that are emanating pain actually seems to reduce the pain at the source.  The warming feeling is lovely too. They really should make a Tiger Balm stick like that Head-On (apply directly to the forehead!) stuff, so the risk of getting it in your eyeballs would diminish!

So this morning, after cradling myself at my desk for an hour or so I scurried off to the Ladies room (or ‘The Toilets’ in Oz) to use my magic solution.  I started thinking thought “If it works this well from the outside, wouldn’t it be phenomenal from the inside!?”  I checked the label and while the instructions read “Rub a small amount on affected area” it doesn’t explicitly say not to ingest it.   Common sense told me No, things that smell like burning probably taste like burning too – and not in a fun spicy way.

So I returned to my desk, partially content with the heat radiating from my belly (and the back up of Advil flowing through my digestive system).  Curiosity got the better of me and I ended up emailing Eleanor to say I wanted to eat the Tiger balm, hoping for some encouragement.  Unfortunately due to my time zone, I realized I wouldn’t hear back from her until tomorrow, so I finally gave in and googled it.  Turns out my common sense was on the money, all ingesting would do is both burn and numb my mouth and throat.  Dammit.

Cramps can make you crazy, but Tiger Balm can help (just don’t eat it).



Filed under Funny Ha-Ha, Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

3 responses to “In Search of Relief

  1. I will have to try this. I definitely go for the Advil and no looking in mirrors .. I am a fat and tired perioder…. ugh.

    • I’m pretty sure the Tiger Balm won’t make you feel any skinner or awake, but it takes away some of the throbbing pain. Eleanor is a genius.

      Even after writing this blog I thought about eating the Tiger Balm for another whole day 😉

  2. Jessica

    It tastes like burning! Always happy to see ralphie quotes!

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